31/13

Dear lovely mystics, 

Today is a great day to reflect on yesterday and to sit with and absorb the messages that come up or come down. 

What did we feel yesterday? What was our state of mind, heart and soul? How does it reflect what we feel and how we move today? 

The day is made even more potent when considering that it’s also “El Día de los Muertos.” We reflect on loved ones who crossed over and the message(s) they carried for us while they were in flesh. Today we carry on the honoring of them from yesterday.

Ashe, 

From your lovely and divine MystiQElle

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The rebirth of curiosity

Each day my 1 year old shows me how curiosity is more important than consequence. Does no really mean no

I might tell her “no” or “stop,” regarding something she shouldn’t be doing, maybe a dozen times or so. And at times I might even be forced to tap her hand somewhere around the third reprimand.

But many a times I can see the curiosity in her nature driving her more than some limitation and consequence I’ve set in place. And then she’ll push forward her desire to explore so swiftly that I barely have time to stop her.

“I must do this. I just have to.” 

I can almost see that written in her facial expression and feel it in her energy.

These little people show us time and again the personal freedoms we’ve given up or stowed away deep in the cellar of our being. 

Many of us have given up our curious nature as we’ve grown older. Maybe we think that curiosity is for kids or that we’ve learned and explored all that we need to at a point. Honestly, I don’t know too many curious souls. The ones excited and persistent about trying and exploring the new, the unknown. 

Consequence (and “limitation”) kills the curiosity…

And what a sad way to live.

I thank my daughter for bringing forth this truth through actions that I would have otherwise found aggravating.

Say yes to curiosity, always. Allow children to rebirth this in your nature. 

The Rinse

At a point in my mental thrashing of you, I realized that the rain was pouring and that you were walking, caught up in it. 

I felt no sympathy. 

I silently praised the rain for drenching you. For turning your body as cold as my heart.

Yes, my warmth left me. But it didn’t go to you. And it has yet to return to me.

When you came back still happy as you always are, I wondered… 

Could I have used a rinse in the rain?

But the rain is no more. The sky silent and gray.

New You(th)

She flails her limbs and screams her joy. 

At times I drop into the moment to feel the fragments of my lost and invisible youth, to witness and experience the unconditional joy I missed. 

I thank my daughter for allowing me to find and feel my obscure childhood through her own. 

Celtic Mother and Child Knot
The rawness of motherhood takes you back to a place that is stripped of careers, modern aspects of social life, carved out identities and so forth. In my opinion this rawness of motherhood is felt especially by mothers who are stay-at-home moms. This mother (in many cases) has sacrificed much. She may have given up a career, chose to home school, become a homemaker, and so on, and with this sacrifice comes a return to primordial mothering.

Tending to her children 24/7, many mothers experience the frustration of not being able get much accomplished personally, or she may have found herself in a daze wondering how she might get through the day amidst the demands of needy children. The mother on many occasions has had to cave to the beckoning of a child, the beckoning to be right there in the moment with them. These episodes (and then some) call for us mothers to strip ourselves of what may not matter in the larger scheme of things.

I imagine that the mothers of antiquity didn’t have quite the same struggles that modern moms tend to have. Modern motherhood contends with careers, social standards, and identities we think we need for relevance. Primordial mothering calls to us from the deep through the loneliness we feel when there’s nothing but us and the little ones all day, everyday. It calls to us when we feel the frustration over not being able to complete personal tasks, chill with friends, have a date night, etc. Primordial mothering calls us when we feel the resentment, the reality that our lives have forever changed. I could go on…

The resentment, anger, loneliness, sadness, etc. is the raw, stripped, original version of motherhood asking us to sit and be with her. It is the jolt toward understanding what it means to be called to the role of mother.

Working moms also experience the same pull toward these original aspects of motherhood. It may come in the form of guilt over being absent in the child’s life majority of the week, or it may be the the need to ignore how drained we feel after a long day of work. The mother ignores that worn feeling because she feels she must answer the most important call, which is the call toward mothering. Of course these things may not be felt by all moms, but I think it’s true for those who are tuned in and feel this connection to their children and their role as mother.

So…

In my meditations upon the mysteries of motherhood, I’ve gathered that this path is looking to strip away the appearances, the roles that came before, the pretenses, the avoidance of self. This is why we might feel guilt at pursuing a career instead of solely pursuing the role of the mother. This is why we might feel like we’ve lost ourselves within the throes of motherhood. We might feel frustration, anger, resentment, love, happiness, a longing unlike any other… All this happens because a stripping, a bearing of the true self, a revealing of the soul wants to unfold for us. Motherhood is truly a path back to the beginning, back to the self, back to God, back to the great mother, back to the nothingness.
Motherhood asks you to lose yourself and then get to know self. Yourself is ego, self is not. Getting to know self is getting to know God. Self is God. (More on this soon …)

Motherhood can be a rebirth into a more heavenly space or it can be a drop down into the bowels of hell. (Extreme, I know!) Just depends on your level of understanding.

To be continued…